let it out, let it go

"I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more."

One big list of places I'd like to go, quotes I'd like to live by/do live by, people & things I appreciate, food I'd love to make someday or just simply enjoy.

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I can’t quite believe that I’m back on here. I guess writing is my go-to outlet and wow, it’s been a long time. I will have to admit, I wrote some pretty good shit back then. I once read something that, in summary, was saying that if you piss a nice person off enough, this person will get fed up one day and all hell will break loose. And that’s how I feel right now. I’m not even angry at the person that’s making me feel this way, I’m just so angry in general because I feel like I can’t catch a break. I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of questioning my self-worth everytime this happens even though I know I shouldn’t. The fact that I know I shouldn’t, and yet am, makes it even more frustrating. I’ve done this so many times that I can write the entire script with my eyes closed. A part of me feels better that everytime, I leave enough of an impact on someone to make them feel an emptiness when I am gone because the shitty part of me adds a few pity points to my self-worth. But that quote about trying the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results is craziness? Yeah, I’m starting to feel that now. As competitive as I can get, I usually know when to give up. Right now I just feel like a crazy person, trying the same fucking thing over and over again expecting to get a different result than I did the past 10 times. I envy those who get to say “I’m glad I never had to experience the online dating age.” I’m glad for you too. Because some of us literally have no fucking choice. And boy is it ruthless out there.

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1 year ago

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